1.21.22
It's been a month since I last blogged...for a bunch of reasons, but it's hard to believe that a month has passed. In truth, I have written, rewritten, and decided not to post about being an introvert. I guess part of being a writer is deciding what to share and what not to share, but other than the aforementioned thoughts about struggling with being an introvert in an extroverted world, I have purposely avoided publishing anything monotonous and/or negative.
And there has been a lot of 'negative' in the past month between Chemo and Covid. 2022 has so far been a real bitch. Most of you know this from reading Brandi's last CaringBridge post from 1.12.22 about my ability to go through the 4th round of Chemo as being the highlight of 2022 so far. Since then, I feel like we have continued to struggle with a 'plague on our house'. 2 of the boys tested positive last Tuesday and have been quarantined this week, in addition to Brandi being 'regular' sick and Lucy's ear infections. I long for a healthy household.
Maybe I have had writers' block because I was trying to avoid sharing that it seems like with each subsequent round of Chemo, the side effects are becoming more severe. I knew that this was a possibility, but I was hoping that my body would resist better. Unfortunately, this puts even more pressure on poor Brandi and the boys...as my neuropathy and cold sensitivities last longer into the 2-week cycle. Initially, my main symptoms subsided by the end of the weekend following Chemo - so Wednesday through Sunday were rough, but then I had 9 somewhat normal days. But now, I'm still having neuropathy/cold issues 9 days after Chemo. (Thankfully, first bite syndrome has subsided but that also lasted longer). What does this mean? It means that I cannot help walk Lucy. It means that when I get into work, I have to wait for my fingers to stop hurting so I can do work which is mostly on computer. It means that it is painful to pump gas. It means that if it snows, I can't help clear the driveway. There's more...but I think you get the idea. Not ideal.
More importantly, if the neuropathy continues, I worry that the doctor will have to adjust (meaning reduce) some of the Chemo meds. I do not want that to happen because I want to beat this beast with the strongest weapons we have at our disposal. Brandi's burden and the medication issue are my primary concerns...and I guess my writer's block, inability to sleep well, and somewhat increased 'depression' lately are a result.
Ugh, this post turned into more of a bummer than I intended. I am sorry, that was not my intention. But now, I guess, you know how I have been feeling lately. And I suppose I promised from the get go to 'keep it real.'
But let me try and end on a more positive note. Despite the tough times, I am still buoyed by you all. Not a day goes by without a text or a message or some other sort of inspiration from many of you, and I wanted to share 2 recent things that have lifted me up.
First, I received a note in the mail from a friend from high school. While we have been Facebook
friends for a long time, I am not sure we have seen each other in over 30 years. My friend is not Jewish, but she went out of her way to 'research' and send a hand drawn note written in Hebrew. And she was worried she didn't do it 'right.' Let me assure you - it was perfect, and it was even more poetic that it arrived from Texas the same week that 4 Jews were taken hostage in a Texas synagogue. It is a reminder that even in the toughest times, we stand together as humans in pursuit of peace.
The other thing that lifted me up today was a note I received from another friend - one of the many of you who have heeded our #gratefulfighters call to get screened. Here is the note I received after checking in on my friend after his colonoscopy yesterday:
"Good
morning brother! All went well and I am in the clear. Here is my big
take away though. Every one of my children and my wife have thanked me
for going and getting checked out. They were all convinced that I would
never go see any Dr.
My father passed from cancer of the pancreas when he was 59. I grew up
with him in the hospital. Kidney stones, operation after operation and
pain killer addiction. I have avoided going to the Dr as much as a
person can. All until you have shared your experience. Something inside
me said to take responsibility and be proactive.
I'm not sure if you want the credit for helping me make a decision for
health, but truthfully it belongs to you fighting and sharing! Having my
children express how much it meant to them was moving in a way I hadn't
expected. I am grateful today for things I was unaware of yesterday!
What a powerful connection. I hope you know that you are changing lives
brother! I pray that it means everything and more that you need it to.
I'm certainly more aware of what it means to me!"
No, I do not want credit. I am so happy for every person we inspire to take control of their health. And yes, each note of this sort means everything to me and to Brandi. It's
a big reason why, even as an introvert, I continue to put myself 'out
there' during this battle. As I read this note this morning, Alon turned to me and asked me what was wrong. I had tears in my eyes. Yes, this note and the support of ALL of you means that much to me.
Shabbat Shalom
Have a peaceful weekend!
#GratefulFighters
#GetScreened
