Here We Go Again...

💔 Things you don't want to hear from your doctor:

"You know that journalist (Grant Wahl) that died suddenly at the World Cup of the aortic aneurysm ...yea, you have that." 💔

 

Yes. Those were the words the cardiologist said to me this afternoon. As an avid soccer fan, I knew exactly who Grant Wahl was and what happened, but the doc couldn't have known that. If you read the article linked above, you will learn a few facts about aortic aneurysms and apparently, the ticking time bomb that has likely been growing in my body for several years. Scary thought.

For those who are unaware, of recent health happenings in my world, let me summarize:

1. My numbers related to colon cancer are still good. My oncologist is confident I am cancer free although I have some lung issues we continue to monitor. 

2. When I had my original post-chemo scans in May, they revealed lung scar tissue from Covid I'd had in January 2022.

3. In August, to check on my Covid lungs and because I was still short of breath at times, I had some further testing done.

4. My lungs are recovering; however, by accident, a heart abnormality was found by the tech - unrelated to my cancer.

5. In November, I had some more detailed imaging done on my heart and valves which confirmed an aortic aneurysm.

6. Today, I consulted with my cardiologist and cardiac surgeon who deemed me eligible for open heart surgery to repair the issue.

Long story short, the surgery has a very low risk and is quite common. My heart, otherwise, is in very good shape which helps the success rate. I could opt out of the surgery and monitor the issue every 6 months since I have just barely crossed the size threshold for recommending surgery. However, my risk factors would increase exponentially every year and within 5 years the doctor said there would be a 50/50 chance of having a catastrophic event - like Grant Wahl.

Most of the time we say FUCK CANCER; however, in this case by lucky accident, it may have saved my life or at least extended my chances.

BUT this puts me in another uncomfortable situation, to be honest. My whole life, I have tried to take care of others. I try to be the problem-solver, the protector, the person who would sacrifice for others because seeing others happy made me happy. As many of you know, on the other hand, I am not comfortable being on the other end of that equation - I struggle to accept help because I see myself as the helper.
 

It was a given that I was going to have to lean on Brandi and the boys last fall, but as most of you know, I also made the conscious choice to battle publicly and as part of that, I knew I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone and accept all of the love, prayers, meals, help, and strength from family and friends. It was not easy at times. That being said, I am so grateful to this day for all that people gave to me - and to my family. Because of those prayers and strength and love, I am here today...you cannot convince me otherwise.

I do not like to be a burden. (I know, I should not see it that way). And one of my first thoughts was the guilt, once again, of being a burden to Brandi and the boys. They deserve so much more than having to worry and take care of me. And I do not want to be a burden to family and friends. Nothing anyone is doing is making me feel that way. It's just how I'm wired. My guess is that a lot of folks in my shoes feel the same way - when we are sick, it is such a crappy feeling to even think we are a burden to those we love.

Thankfully, it seems that this surgery is not terrible (as far as open heart surgery goes). There's about a 4-day hospital stay and then I am up and walking and rebuilding strength with a much healthier heart. Unlike cancer, which is a long-term slog, this one seems like a sprint and the plan is to be up and 'running' again in time to catch some of the last Dead and Company tour this summer.

I just want you all to know, my dear reading friends and family, that I love you. I love your energy. I love how you've colored my life so brightly. I love the amazing times we have shared and I cherish the tough times we have been through. I am so lucky to have such incredible people standing by my side in this life - those I have only known a short time and those who I have known my whole life. My music family, my OSRUI and Ramah families, my Shorashim family, my Illini family, my work family, my CBS Rabbi and friends, my neighborhood friends...I love and appreciate you all immensely. 

 

And I am so blessed to have wonderful parents, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews - blood related and related by choice. Most importantly, my wife and 3 sons make me the luckiest man on Earth. Period.

For them and for the all of you, I fight on.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanza...and Happy 2023 to you all!