It's been one week since you looked at me... Oskee #3

It's been one week since you looked at me,
Cocked your head to the side probably thinking I'm crazy.

When you have an intelligent dog, they tend to develop human characteristics. For Oskee, that meant cocking her head to the side when we spoke to her - as if she was listening and comprehending what we were saying. In fact, she probably thought we were crazy the way we doted on her. I mean, I've seen pets pampered, but Oskee - she was queen of the house. She ruled the roost. What Oskee needed, Oskee got. Those of you who knew her well knew this to be true.

But cocking her head wasn't her only seemingly human characteristic. Oskee had this crazy habit of seemingly
being able to sympathize with what was happening in our lives. If I was sad, she tried to nudge my arm as if to say, "play with me, let me cheer you up." If I was stressed, she paced and panted. If I sneezed, she cowered as if she was nervous about my health. But possibly the most impressive thing was the way Oskee got extremely protective of Brandi the first time, in particular, that she got pregnant. Oskee went from my sidekick, to sticking close to Brandi - as if Oskee understood that whatever was happening to Brandi, Brandi needed protection. And of course, Oskee's need to protect us and her understanding of feelings led her to lay obediently near Ami's bassinet whenever company was over and we lived in the city, and to often lay at the foot of Nadav's crib when we moved to Northbrook. Whichever baby was around, Oskee had the need to snuggle and comfort and protect. In the early days, I often napped with a baby in one hand and an Oskee head on the opposite side of my lap. Yes, we doted over her like crazy, but she also loved us to pieces.

It's been one week since you looked at me,
Cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm sorry"

Well, Oskee never really said she was sorry, but if I am honest, I think that she knew it was near the end. The few weeks before we lost her, she would frequently saunter up to me and simply stare into my face, coming close. I sensed a sadness. I guess I never believed she would actually leave us, but the truth is, I think we both knew it was coming and she often came to me, sadly, and seemed to say she was sorry she was leaving me, leaving us.

It's been one week since I looked at her...

I've been holding it together pretty well at work. I made it through the hellishly busy past few days. I was observed by my boss, and I can say that for the first time ever, I wasn't nervous. Usually, I am a basket of nerves before being observed, but this time, I just wasn't. I've been numb. I won't say I didn't care...but I have been pretty much just going through the paces of life without much care. I'm faking it well...for work and for the kids, but Brandi knows I'm still devastated. We cried ourselves to sleep last night after Brandi remarked that we might have to move because the house isn't the same anymore and because the memories are too hard. We assume it'll get easier, but I still don't know if I'll ever be the same.

It's been one week since I held her tight and watched the life drain from her eyes...

I have a lot of memories I still want to record, but those memories are for another post because right now, it's been one week since we lost our Oskee and I'm still crushed, I'm still crying, and I can't write much more.

Oskee, I miss you so much and love you so much. I hope you are somewhere running and chasing your Oskee-ball, pain free and happy. At least that's what I'm trying to picture....